Perhaps several decades into the future, something will be written about this period of time indicating Cellular Phones were the start of the Great Society Revolution. It probably all started a few years back when Ross Perot was running for President and many of our fellow Americans felt he might actually be a good president. Cellular Phones were the cause of this.
You see, it is my belief those people who voted for Ross Perot in fact were also heavy users of Cellular Phones. They would hold the phone to the right ear near the part of the brain that is responsible for rational thinking, destroying some of the brain cells involved in the process. This rendered these people helplessly and hopelessly without rationality. It is with this in mind, I can actually declare Cellular Phones as the #1 problem with our society and it has become America's #1 Addiction problem. What has happened to us? Cell phones are now apart of our life and many of us can't live without it. We are cell phone junkies. If you have ever lost your cell phone, you know what I mean. You are lost. The phone however is OK.
Cellular phones: A Social Disease
I was in a restaurant last week, and a cell phone started to ring. All of a sudden like timed robots everyone's hands went for their purse, pocket or belt and immediately raised their cell phone to answer the call. Others searched in a panic as they found out the number one communicating device might be missing. Even more remarkable, most decided to answer their phone anyway even though it was not ringing. It was like a bad lotto, where only one person won the prize. Most were disappointed to find the call wasn't theirs. One person did get the call, and all of the people in the restaurant applauded. "Congratulations they said, all shouting with glee, maybe next time...it will be me! "
Cell phones have different rings. Some cell phones allow the user to choose from 150 different opera sonatas written by the great composers of our time, like Beethoven or Bach. Ask those users to name one of them. They can't. As a matter of fact, when they select one of these classic pieces as the 'Ring' sound, it is always something they heard at one of the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Maybe that classic from the "Rabbit of Seville".
Some even are practicing for the game show "Name that Tune". You know, that's where the contestants say they can name a tune in 6 notes and they play the six notes. If the contestant guesses the name of the melody, we have a winner! So there you go, flipping through all of the 150 tunes, never hearing the entire song. It's like listening to a band tune up. With so many tunes to choose from why is it most people end up having the same tune? That's why they all answer the phone at the same time when the are in a restaurant. Well, not exactly. Some answer their phone because they forgot which one they used as their ringing sound. So they pick up their phone just to be sure.
Some cell phones come equipped with games. People actually play them...by themselves. There is nothing spectacular about them as they are reinvented 'Pong' games of the late 70's, early 80's. So that's where all of those Atari programmers went to! What is ridiculous is while you are playing these dimwit games, your battery is wearing down. Then, as you finally won the level 6 Guess the 3 Letter Word' game, your cell phone rings. You answer it and as the person on the other line tells you that you have won a trip for two to Tahiti and 0,000, and you have ten seconds to answer the question: "What day of the week begins with the letter M ", your phone goes dead. Well at least you got to level 6 on the dimwitted Guess the 3 Letter Word game....
A friend of mine has a wireless telephone and he is in the scrap metal business. Everywhere he goes, he carries this cell phone and keeps it on. Who's going to call him at 11:45 p.m. Saturday night? Some guy with a dozen aluminum cans to meltdown? I could understand if he was a brain surgeon or maybe a doctor on call, but a scrap metal dealer? He keeps his cell phone on because he is a Cell Phone Addict just like you and me.
Cell Phone Addicts Are Rude
It is amazing to see just how rude people are when it comes to cell phones. I remember the days when you would meet with someone and he would pick up a regular phone and say to his secretary "Hold all of my calls. I'm in a meeting". It was only polite. Now, no one thinks twice about answering their cell phone in the middle of the conversation they are having with you. Obviously the person you were meeting with felt you weren't as important as the other person on the line. In this Cell Phone world we live in, you get stopped in the middle of a sentence as the other person picks up the cell phone in one swooping motion and says " Jack! Yea, nice game last month....Oh, I am not doing anything special at the moment.....sure I got a couple of hours to talk "...and you wait and wait and wait.....
I am tired of participating in other fellow cell phone addicts conversations. I was at Starbucks one morning ( I am also a coffee addict) when a lady came into the store still talking on her cell phone. In between her "Really. and you don't say...", she lifted the phone away from her mouth and ordered the Cafe Latt Grand Breve, Decaf. She proceeded to talk about her daughter and the troubles she is having adjusting to kindergarten. The people in the store actively participated in the conversation by saying things to her like ' get a life, will ya' and 'can you keep it down, I am trying to finish my conversation on my phone with the President of the United States!!!'. Even though we were all strangers, this person on the cell phone decided to share very personal information about her family and children. She was talking as if she was in her house. The next call was to her husband to make sure he takes out the garbage when he gets home, and the bank called saying they were late on their mortgage payments.
What about cell phones in movie theatres? They should be banned! Restaurants? They should be outlawed. At funerals? you should be ashamed of yourself! Do yourself a favor and turn that blasted cell phone off! You can live without it...just for a little while at least...
The Hazards of Cellular Telephone Usage
Cell phones are definitely a health hazard. This can be proven by simply placing your cell phone when it is transmitting near a TV screen, or the speakers at your computer. Even your radio in your car can pickup the microwave energy as it passes through the electrical wires. Birrrrrrrrrrrrrritatatatatatatatat. It's the same sound that comes from your microwave oven. The cellular phone companies won't admit the possibility that cell phones can damage your brain cells because to do so would put them out of business and in line for a tremendous amount of lawsuits. They even tried to change the name of the cell phone to 'Wireless Telephones' so you wouldn't think of 'Cell' as in 'Brain Cells'. You see they had learnt the lesson from the cigarette companies: You don't admit anything!
Scientists tell you to use an ear piece and move the phone to your belt clip. This protects you from damaging any brain cells. The belt clip is located at hip level right where other organs are, such as the liver, stomach, kidneys, pancreas, spleen, intestines to name a few. As a matter of fact, they are not worried about frying these parts. They believe like many, cellular phones are the only true method of long-term Birth Control, given it's proximity on the belt clip ( If you didn't understand this one, your cell phone is too close to your right ear).
The Mystery of Cellular Telephone Communication
It is interesting how little knowledge people have when it comes to cell phones. My company ( a cell phone signal enhancement and jamming company:) ) gets calls from someone wanting to use his cell phone when the nearest tower is more than 100 miles away. Did you know you can only broadcast a short distance? That's why they have cell towers set up all over the place. That is also why you only have a puny cell phone with puny batteries putting out only 3/5 of a watt. What?In order for your phone to broadcast 100 miles you need to have your cell phone connected to a diesel generator cranking away while all the animals around you get fried from the 100,000 watts of energy that you need to deliver your voice to the caller at the other end. "Can you hear me now?" you say as the cellular company drops your call again.... ( Note: Contrary to the claim by a popular cellular provide, I actually coined the phrase " Can you hear me now?" when I first wrote an article in 2001)
To put it in proper perspective, the light at the end of a flashlight uses 10 times more energy (7 watts) then your cell phone. The average household light bulb use 60 watts which is 100 times more energy than your cell phone. The Microwave oven, which also uses microwaves just like the cellular telephone consumes 1000 watts which is 1670 times more energy than your little itty bitty wireless telephone.
So why would anyone think that their cell phone with the puny.6 watts of output could reach more than 100 miles, when for the most part they lose the signal? It's the destroyed brain cells doing this, the Ross Perot syndrome.
Cellular Phone Manufacturers: Sub-Total Quality Management
Cell phone manufacturers do have a sense of humor. Take a look at that antenna they give you on most phones. It's a piece of plastic similar to the fake cell phone that your 2 year old kid has. Come to think of it is exactly like the cell phone that your 2 year old kid has. The antenna does nothing. I know it's a shocker, but the little piece of plastic lifted a few inches out of the plastic phone is useless. As a matter of fact, some companies have a series of phones with no plastic antenna to stick out. Now there is nothing to bite on when the cell phone company drops your call.
The people that manufacture cell phones all got our number right. What they do is produce a new model every two months that doesn't even take the previous model's batteries or accessories. What's the deal here? It's bad enough that cell phones can't use "triple A", "double A" batteries but the same company can't even standardize them so that we don't have to dip into our pockets every time some other feature comes out. Come to think of it, if my CD Player uses the same batteries as my Penlight flashlight, why can't cellular manufactures use these batteries as well?
These wireless telephones are being produced in all kinds of sizes and varieties. Some are large some small and some are so small that I am afraid of swallowing it as I scream a the person at the other end of the call asking them "Can you hear me now!!!!?" The best are those 'Flip Phones' or as I like to refer them, Broken Flip Phones. Motorola invented them and just look at how bad that company is doing. They got the idea from Star Trek. You know...the communicator. But on Star Trek, the communicator also doubled as a Phaser. It's tough enough to get your cell phone to work as a communicator. As an addict we demand better Cell Phones!
Cellular Phone Lack of Communication Companies
Cell phone companies are allowed to drive you crazy. I think it is part of the FCC licensing requirements. Cellular communication companies all allow you to dial a call, and then, while you are in the middle of a conversation, they disconnect. But the aggravating part is that it just doesn't disconnect. Instead the signal moves in an out back and forth and makes you sound like your are in a toilet some of the time. (oh ya, cell phones should be banned from toilets also, it's quite scary hearing a person talking to themselves in the stall beside you). This all happens while you keep repeating the magic Make My Phone Work Please phrase: " Hello? Can you hear me now? ". Then to make things even worse you start walking around like a chicken pecking at corn kernels looking for that one spot where the signal will be stronger. I am sure you could swear that your cell phone works better at one particular spot in your house than in another. The question is: Why are you using your cell phone in your house? Use the land line phone. At least there is a copper wire connected and it doesn't cost you money like a taxi in traffic!
Another nightmare is trying to figure out which cell phone company is offering the best possible plan. It is confusing and they do it on purpose! They offer you 600 prime time minutes and 600 nighttime minutes. Then, as a bonus for believing their spiel, they throw in 200 anytime minutes, and a calling card that you can't use on Tuesdays. You can't use the prime time minutes at night and the nighttime minutes during the day. Then they hit you with weekend minutes. Hey. Wait a Minute! All they are doing is finding a way to confuse you so they can rip off your precious time and money! How about those dropped call minutes or those "I can't hear you... can you hear me " minutes that you are paying for. Can we get credit for them and turn them into anytime minutes that you can use on weekends? I wonder if I can just have the last 10 minutes of any hour. What would they charge me for that? At least with the land line phone I knew where I stood. I want one of those companies to be honest enough to tell you that they can offer the cheapest plan for the same lousy service as anyone else. Just when you think you got the best plan, you get your first bill. The a month plan is now costing you and the a month plan is costing you 0. How is this possible? Government. They take out a piece of you hide every chance they get. As much as 30% gets added to your bill as hidden franchise fees, county and state taxes. The disgusting thing about this is that Government is taxing your personal conversations. The more you talk the more they get..and some of us talk a lot. We are addicts!
Cellular Phone Addicts: A Road Hazard
Laws are being passed requiring any one that drives a car to use a hands free system so that their complete attention is focused on driving the car. The government is doing this because they have a sense of humor. They know just how stupid you look when you have this thing sticking out of your ear and your are talking while someone who just pulled up beside you at a light is looking your way. They see you talking to yourself. What is even funnier is that you actually go through the hand motions and head jerks just as if the person was sitting right beside you. You are still preoccupied with the telephone conversation and your hands free is just that. One hand on the wheel and the other making gestures. It probably would be better if the other hand was holding the phone...this way you wouldn't look like such an idiot.
What really is ridiculous is that our government is talking about passing a law stopping people from using wireless phones in a car while they are driving. Why the sudden concern? It is because Cell Phones are popular and this is a fresh issue, making easy for politicians to deflect our attention from the real problem in South Florida: Bad Drivers. We still have people in this state with driver licenses that can't see or can't even drive. At our post office a person, with a valid Florida State drivers license, pressed the wrong pedal and accelerated their car over the sidewalk and into the glass store front injuring several people. It happens all the time. You don't have to worry about people like this having a cell phone taking their attention away. What you need the government to do is pass a law that requires testing of everyone and taking those people that don't know how to drive or, can't see, off the road. In fact, give them each a cell phone. That way they can call a taxi, and our roads will be a safer place. After that happens, then tackle the 'cell phone used by the driver' problem.
So that's what I feel about the cell phones and cell phone industry. It has developed all of us into dimwitted addicts that are part of the rude manner-less society fully controlled by cell phone batteries. I thought someday I would invent Cellular Tele-Pa-thetic Communication that might cure us of this addiction so that we can all go back to not talking to each other... face to face. We need to be cured! " Do you hear me now?"
The Cell Phone Addict: America's Number 1 Problem
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America Stupid
The Cell Phone Addict: America's Number 1 Problem
The Cell Phone Addict: America's Number 1 Problem
The Cell Phone Addict: America's Number 1 Problem
America Stupid
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